Max Kramer Talks About Chicks, Dudes, And The Social Rules
We all wish we had a friend like Max Kramer. Armed with an abundance of class and charm, Max Kramer AKA Tripp, started his own company TrippAdvice, which offers dating coach services to the romantically challenged. Couldn’t we all use a little help? A true relationship expert, he has been sharing his wisdom on everything from first dates, to communication, and sex as co-host of popular podcast “Dudes Talking About Chicks” and on the web series “The Social Rules.”
Q. So first of all, explain to me how you got into this line of work?
A. Social psychology was always one of my favorite subjects. I always analyze and interpret the “why?” in everyday interactions. On top of that, I have had a lot of experience in the dating world, which includes tons of failures and successes. I always found myself helping my friends and family in their dating lives and was the go-to person when it came to advice. It became a hobby. I ended up starting a podcast with my friend called, Dudes Talking About Chicks, where we gave dating advice to strangers who called into the show. The feedback was outstanding. We were helping people all over the country become successful in their love and dating lives. I realized that this was my calling. I started my company called Tripp Advice about a year ago, and have been helping men and women ever since.
Q. We all have tons of questions on the “what’s” and “how’s” when it comes to approaching someone you’re interested in, but what are some of your best tips on what not do?
A. Don’t be scared! That’s the biggest thing. Most people don’t want to approach someone they like or find attractive. They are scared of rejection. It’s hard for people to handle because it messes with their ego. Nobody wants to be told “no.” Especially when it’s something you want. So I tell my clients to remember that the word “no” is just a word. It won’t hurt you. That’s the absolute worst and it’s not so bad. Why? Because there are millions and millions of people you will be interested in and find attractive. If you aren’t scared then you can approach as many as you want and eventually you will get what are going after.
Q. We’ve all heard the saying “first impressions last a lifetime.” But what if you fail at making a good first impression? Is there any hope for recovery?
A. There is definitely hope for recovery. Almost all failed first impressions come from being dishonest. People aren’t dumb. They can see when someone isn’t being their true self. If you make a bad first impression it’s because you were doing something inconsistent with whom you are as a person. The best way to recover is to tell the person you were trying to “impress” why you weren’t being yourself. It’s a way of starting over. If they don’t give you a second chance then they weren’t worth it from the beginning.
Q. What are some signs to look for to see if your date is into you?
A. An acronym I like to use is B.I.T.E. This stands for body language, interest, tonality, and eye contact. These are all signs you should look for on a date.
Body Language: Are they moving closer to you? Are they touching you? Are they facing you in conversation?
Interest: Are they asking you questions? Do they seem intrigued in the things you are saying? Is conversation flowing smoothly?
Tonality: Does the tone of their voice sound excited? Angry? Bored? Monotone?
Eye Contact: Are they keeping eye contact with you (interested)? Are they staring off into the distance (bored)?
Q. What’s the worst thing a person could possibly do on a first date?
A. Be boring. It’s hard to make up for being boring. If the date doesn’t create even the slightest of a memory, then he or she will forget you. Why would anyone want to hang out with someone again if they didn’t have a good time? They wouldn’t. You want to bring your most interesting self. Beyond that, one should make the date interesting. Instead of a dinner, go on an adventure. Being fun in a fun place is your key to a second date. That simple.
Q. What’s your stance on hooking up on the first date?
A. Every situation is unique. I cannot say that it is good or bad. Some great relationships have started from hooking up on the first date. What I tell men and women is that if you try to do it, you are at risk of presenting yourself in a different light. For example, if you try and hook up on the first date (man or woman) you may be telling the other person that you are only interested in them sexually. While that is true or not, it’s a risk. So, if you both are feeling the heat and have an intense sexual attraction, go for it! But, if you are unsure and want to play it safe, it’s better to be more prudent and wait a few dates.
Q. Here’s a question from one of my Twitter followers: When it comes to dating, do nice guys finish last?
A. I love this cliché and always thought it was true. But it’s not. One day, a girlfriend told me something that I would never forget. She said, “nice guys don’t finish last, boring guys finish last”. That has resonated with me forever, because it’s absolutely true. A lot of people associate nice with boring. But, they aren’t the same thing. You can be nice and have an edge. People always ask me, “Why do women always date assholes?” It’s because assholes have an edge and women love that . It’s that simple. I tell my clients, in order to get a woman, you need to be more than nice. Anyone can be nice. That’s easy. But, having passion behind the things you’re interested in (whatever that may be), being adventurous, trying new things, not being afraid…these are the kind of qualities that makes you attractive and have an edge. And this doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole.
Q. What’s the best way to break up with someone, seeing as break ups are usually pretty messy.
A. Honesty. No matter what happens, the person you break up with is going to be upset. There is no way around that. The least you can do is be up front with them and let them know why the relationship isn’t working out. It will hurt the other person to hear the reasons, but maybe they can use it to avoid such future break ups. Also, don’t do it over email.
Q. It’s an age-old question, that nobody seems to know the answer to: Can men and women really be friends?
A. Yes, definitely. I have plenty of women friends and we don’t want to sleep with each other. On the other hand, it’s natural to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex that you’re also friends with. Even if you aren’t physically attracted to them, there is something about their personalities that still make you attracted. But, it’s not impossible to look over all of that.
Q. What’s the piece of advice you find yourself giving most often?
A. Get out of your head. Stop giving a s—. Stop over analyzing. Live in the moment. These are all different ways of saying the exact same thing. If you keep on thinking about the “what-ifs” you will never be able to move forward with anything. This is what keeps anyone from accomplishing their goals. Time is precious and I believe that every second counts. You can sit around being scared to date, approach new people, try new things, but then you will never know what it’s like. The only way to get rid of fear is to create action. Trying to psyche yourself out is a start, but over thinking will get you nowhere. Doing what you’re afraid of makes you familiar and therefore less scared every time you do it. It’s one of the hardest things to do, not give a s—, which is why it’s my biggest piece of advice. But, once you reach that point, you can live a truly free life.