If you haven’t been living under a rock for the past few weeks, you have likely heard about the never ending rant saga that is Mel Gibson’s life. He’s had quite a few choice words for his ex, Oksana Grigorieva. While the tapes are…interesting to say the least, they aren’t very creative. One has to wonder what would have happened if Mel had pulled out some of his stellar quotes from his hit movies.

Top 5 Things You Don’t Want Mel Gibson to Say to You (movie quotes edition).

#5. “You’re wasting your time here. I’m not going to report this or anything you do to my crops to the police or news or anybody. You’re not going to get famous.” – Signs

Maybe he should have told Oksana this right from the get-go? If he would have been clear that she wasn’t going to get famous, she might have flown the coop on day one.

#4 “I’m only paranoid because they want me dead.” – Conspiracy Theory

Here we thought it was just Oksana, but now there’s a “they?” Oh wait, everyone who has heard those tapes qualifies as a “they.”

#3 “Now, if you’re lucky, you could hack through your ankle in five minutes. Go.” – Mad Max

Glady, Mel, gladly. Just as long as you promise to stop all the rant tapes.

#2 “You have the right to remain unconscious. Anything you say…ain’t gonna be much.” – Lethal Weapon 3

You got to hand it to Mel for being so straight forward.

#1 “And if he were here, he’d consume the English with fire balls from his eyes, and bolts of lightening from his a**. Fight and you may die. Run and you might live…at least a while.” – Braveheart

Well…good thing Oksana is Russian.

There you go, Mel. That should give you enough lines to pull from for your next rant tape.