I am scared. And no, I am not scared because I read a Perez post trashing a wannabe, or because I thought I had caught the swine flu. Not even scared because next week is my yearly fashion-shopping week. No. I am scared because I saw the Teen Choice Awards’ red carpet.

THE WORST OF THE RED CARPET

First up, Miss Kristen Stewart, who clearly has no idea what understated means. She has neither the physical qualities, nor the attitude (or the ability to pose) needed to successfully deliver a picture. She struts a horrendous white tank top covered by what seems to be a short metallic skirt. Maybe on a top model with longer-than-life legs, maybe on a cleavage-from-here-to-Mexico self-confident lady. But not her. And by the way, her shoes should be labeled as a deadly sin.

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I have to confess that from Tisdale, the JoBros, and all the teen “idols,”I am on Miley’s team. For some unknown reason I believe her to be quite talented, yet, she wore all the no-no’s I can think of: she’s over accessorized (remember Coco Chanel’s famous advice: “always take one thing off before leaving the house”), she works the white tank top and the short skirt in shiny black. Why? I mean, no offense, but she looks like she is coming out of a trashy bar!

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And speaking of the Jonas, I was quite surprised. The hair, the clothes, even the shoes. Everything seemed out of place, a couple of sizes longer, and not quite favorable for any of them. The worst part is that you can tell the fabrics are exquisite and the cuts appropriate for someone taller; yet, they do not play the part. And, my advice? Don’t show your wrists if they are so tiny! Don’t they know what a “gym” is?

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Now, I do feel a bit bad for trashing these poorly dressed kids, but be aware that there’s a stylist behind them. And that stylist is probably their worst enemy.

However, there was a ray of light when I saw Selena Gomez. She, on the other hand, actually rocked the trends: one shoulder uncovered, beautiful color, and appropriate heels. The only problem I have with her is the hair, it makes me uncomfortable and makes her look forty-something.

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Mr. Taylor Lautner needs to actually buy clothes for his buffer self and stop dressing with the clothes he used to fit in during pre-workout days. The tie is out of place (too thick) and the overall ensemble looks, well, tiny. And must I say it? It looks like he’s desperately trying to beat fellow heart throb Robert Pattinson. I heard soooo many screaming girls… anyway…

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And to close this horrendous display of confused fashionistas and fashionistos, Corbin Bleu. He actually scores (finally). He works the skinny tie, the cool vest, the distressed jeans and a watch as a featured accessory. Classic and simple. Well done, sir.

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