It’s no coincidence that Valentine’s Day is right after The Superbowl. It’s only fair that men should have to make up to their girlfriends after a football season of abject neglect. Thank you in advance.

When planning Valentine’s Day for the special lady in your life, there are a few simple things to keep in mind that will make your life a whole lot easier. Even those of you with the best intentions have probably messed up a Valentine’s Day or two, only to spend the night on the couch wondering why your girl was pissed off when you showed up at her apartment with a Ralph’s bouquet of roses and an adorable card with a puppy on the front. Amateurs.

Here’s how to not mess it up this year…

1. Plan Something

Plan something. Anything. Candelit dinner not your style? Perfect. It’s probably not hers either. Unless your girl is totally high maintenance, she’s probably not expecting February 14th 2013 to be the most romantic day of her life, she just wants to know that you remembered it. The best way to show her you did is to plan some sort of activity that lets her know you  actually spent a little bit of time thinking about it. Wanna know why we hate cards and flowers? Because we know you picked that shit up at 7-11 on your way home from the gym when you realized you forgot what day it was. We’re not stupid.

2. Don’t Freak Out About The Day

When picking the perfect activity, remember that life doesn’t begin or end on February 14th. If your elaborate scheme requires you to plan something on a date earlier or later than Valentine’s Day, just tell her. She won’t freak out. If you’re anything like the average guy, chances are she’ll be stoked you even thought of anything at all. Good job.

3. “You Look Beautiful”

Listen up because this is as corny as I’m going to get. Compliments, when genuine, are always appreciated. Valentine’s Day, or not.

4. Rethink Your Present

Dudes, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. The truth is, most girls don’t want what you think we want on Valentine’s Day. Most of us over the age of 5 have no use for stuffed animals, chocolate makes us fat, and unless you’re gay, your taste in lingerie is probably questionable. Think about the best gift you’ve ever given. Wasn’t it something you knew the recipient would love, regardless of the holiday? Is your girl athletic? Wrap up some Lululemon pants and a week-long pass to a rock climbing gym. Is she girly? Treat her to a blow out and a spa day. Movie buff? Surprise her with a Stanley Kubrick DVD box set. So skip anything that looks like it could be a prop at a V-Day theme party, and stick to the stuff you know she’ll actually like.

5. Sex Is Not A Present

Enough said. This one goes for her too. You can quote me on it.