So, you slipped into a Thanksgiving induced 3-week coma, were literally or figuratively chained to a desk, got kidnapped and have been held captive by a maniacal madman that makes Gary Busey look sane. Whatever your excuse is, you’ve suddenly found yourself in Starbucks listening to a hipster version of “O Holy Night” and realize it’s the holiday season and you haven’t gone shopping yet.Although the joy of the season brings cheer and excitement, it also inevitably brings stress in the form of last minute invites to holiday parties, and gifts from unexpected people rendering you stunned and looking like a selfish idiot when you have nothing to present them in return. You don’t have to spend another year looking like an ingrate! Here are some quick and dirty ideas that just might save your sorry ass. Remember, it’s never too late to fake a thoughtful holiday gift, but next year, you might want to start taking Gingko Biloba.

Hear ye, hear ye, all you ill-prepared shoppers! The list of the following last minute gift ideas is conveniently divided into three categories: I Have A Day, I Have A Few Hours, and Last Ditch Effort, for the most desperate of individuals. Good luck.

I Have A Day:1. Wine & Cheese Basket: Although the stores and local markets may be chaotic, luckily CVS carries alcohol (depending on what state you live in). You can easily pick up a bottle of wine and an assortment of crackers and cheese. Place your purchases on top of a basket and a red and white checkered blanket and ta-da! Instant romantic picnic!

2. Books: You can easily feign thoughtfulness by purchasing a book for your last minute gift-recipient. Whether it be of the coffee table, celebrity biography, or self help variety, you should easily be able to target a few specific interests and search your local bookstore accordingly. If all else fails, be stereotypical and trust the masses: Hit the best-seller’s table.

I Have A Few Hours:

1. Groupons: God bless Groupons. Why? Because it’s an easy way to make it look like you thought of the perfect spa day, adventurous hot air balloon ride, or laser hair removal treatment. You can be as cheap or as generous as you want, and all it takes is a credit card and a printer to give the glorious gift that is Groupon.

2. DIY Baked Goods: Nothing says “holiday season” like mulled cider spiked with Captain Morgan. But decorated cookies and gingerbread houses come in at a close second.

3. Tickets To An Event: Even if it’s a few weeks or months in advance, tickets to a play, concert or sporting event can be an easy gift appreciated by anyone from your Grandma, to your boss, or even your drug dealer. Now that’s versatility.

Last Ditch Effort:

1. Re-Gifts: Giving a gift you already received won’t earn you any points with Martha Stewart, but she’s probably not on your holiday shopping list, so let us rejoice! Just remember, when attempting to pull off this desperate excuse for a present, make sure you change the name on any tags attached to the gift and for the love of all that is holy, don’t re-gift back to the original gift-gifter unless you’re great with handling humiliating awkward moments.

2. DIY Coupon Book: For those of you who have no shame.