This week, on The Bachelorette…

Image via ABC.com

1. Frank and his “Non-Existent” Date:

When Frank was on his group date, he definitely took a back seat to all the other guys. He remained quiet, kind of a shadow in the wings, and wasn’t making himself known, asserting himself to make alone time with her or fighting for her like the other men in the scene. Ali even told Frank that she “doesn’t even see him”at all during their group dates and that he is actually “non-existent.” Wow – that is one word no guy should ever want to be called on a date. Frank was trying to play it cool and relax, and but the fact is, this is a competition and just like the real world of dating, there are always other guys vying for a woman’s attention and competing for her. Don’t ever think that you’re the only one, because especially if you’re pursuing an attractive female, she’s probably got other options. You never know how much harder another guy is pursuing her or how creative or aggressive he is about it. So, you need to be the one that gets her by making yourself stand out, and by being assertive about it and making things happen with her. Make yourself and your intentions known. Understand the definition of “pursue,” – and do that! The one that persistently – and creatively – pursues, is the one who gets the prize (but note, I say, “persistently” and “creatively” pursue… not desperately).

2. Ty’s great display of Alpha Male Manliness:

On their “group date” with Ali, eight of the men went horseback-riding  with The Bachelorette in Iceland’s mountainous terrain. Ty went into the date saying, “I’m definitely planning on getting that rose.” And with that assertive attitude, with his sights set on his prize, his behavior followed, and he truly shined. He took the lead in the situation, being a sort of cowboy himself, and helped her get all strapped in, helped her with her saddle, took the time to help out the other guys with theirs, and literally “took the reigns” the whole time. He stood out as the leader in this date because he simply grabbed the bull by the horns and handled everything, like a man should. He was caring, attentive, and always there to get her back or anyone else’s (including Chris L who fell off his horse), but without being smothering or needy mind you, just in a masculine, alpha male kind of way. Ali’s words epitomized how women feel when they’re around a real man like that who assumes the leadership role and “handles things like a man”: “I just like how he’s always caring for me and making sure I’m okay. I love that.” Kudos Ty, for stepping up to the plate. Very sexy. Men, you can learn from this. When you’re attentive to a woman, you can notice opportunities left and right for you to take the lead or handle a situation and look like the man, and she’ll be putty in your hands.

3. Casey’s Continued Creepiness:

Need I say more? Mistake #1 – This guy got a tattoo. Yes, he ran out and, after knowing Ali for less than a few weeks, got a tattoo that’s representative of her, the rose ceremony and the 11 bachelors that were left. Um, can we say, crazy? He got it to prove to Ali that he is “genuine” and “for real.” He said he wanted to “be the man of her dreams.” Well, there’s other ways to show that you’re genuine and for real – besides showing her you’re a nutcase. He literally is wearing his heart (tattoo) on his sleeve. The only thing he’s proving to her is emotional instability. Men, do not follow suit. This is no way to impress a woman. The only thing it’ll get you is a hefty bill for the tattoo removal when she dumps you. Mistake #2: And if that wasn’t bad enough, he continues to pour his heart out to Ali and profess his deep, intense, creepy feelings to her and singing an (off-key) song he made up for her…. Even after she’s asked him to “take a step back.” Is it any surprise that she ditched him at the end? Men can take a lesson from this freak – less is more. Women like a challenge just like men do, and men who come on too strong too soon get put in the creepy/stalker category. Unlike how many movies portray, the way to “prove” to a woman that you’re a great guy is not by being a sensitive basket-case pouring out your feelings to her & pulling desperate stunts, at least not in the beginning. Show some self-control and inner strength, and we’ll respect you much more for it.

4. Ali breaking the Golden Gushing Rule Again:

Ali, girl, oops you did it again! Whenever she’s with the sexy Roberto, she has this terrible tendency to gush all over him, saturate him with compliments and feed his ego. Again, she broke the rule that we discussed last week. While spending some alone time with him, while staring up at him starry-eyed & insecure, she asked him, “If we weren’t on the show, would you ever even approach me? Would you date me?” Then she proceeded to telling him, “I don’t think I would ever approach you, because I would think that you’re too hot for me!” Ali, big no-no! She immediately devalued herself by saying this and lowered her own attraction. You telling someone that they are too hot for you is only going to make them believe the exact same thing – and look for someone they thing is ‘on their level,’ which, apparently isn’t you. Tisk, tisk.

5. ALL the Guys – And their Lack of Touching:

Whenever Ali was sitting on the couch with one of the guys, having alone time with them individually, none of them ever did any touching when next to her. Men can learn from this, because men (and women for that matter) in this position can greatly elevate the level of attraction a woman feels toward you simply by adding some mild touching in the situation. Lightly running your fingertips down her arm while she’s looking at you and talking, rubbing her shoulder a bit, putting your hand on hers or putting her hands on your thigh while talking; you want to get your date comfortable with your touch early on so gradually increased physical contact is welcomed and feels natural and good. The more frequently you touch her, the more she’ll see you as a romantic, sexual prospect and the more “sparks” your date will feel like you have. So take these opportunities, men. If one of these guys did this, he would definitely have increased his bond and connection with Ali.