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how to get your ex boyfriend crazy

by Patrick McDonald 11 January 2009 3,249 views 5 Comments E-mail Patrick McDonald

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I lay in bed with my eyes half open, philosophizing. The thrumming fan above me played as if it were a cinematic soundtrack to my prolific thoughts. Then I realized how dreadfully inane my thoughts were, how much my head ached from the unfiltered alcohol, how my hangover saturated every fiber of my being. And then the panic set. I had so many tasks to accomplish today, so many unfinished from the night before, and, like an avalanche, I was regretting the whole essence of my life. A sickening feeling emerged in the pit of my stomach, half from the hangover and half from the incessant thoughts of failure. It told me how I didn’t send out resumes for a job yesterday. It told me how I spent way too much money at Casey’s Bar and Grill the night before. It told me how I still have two parking tickets festering on my car’s dashboard. But then I embraced the despair because it reminded me how irrevocably human I am. Despite all those regrets, at least I could change them. Remember the old adage from second grade; “we all make mistakes, but what’s really important is how we learn from them.” I don’t think our second grade teachers ever dreamed of a system in which photos, videos, and links could be uploaded for the world to see. A documented mistake is much harder to learn from when it becomes an indelible mark on the way people perceive you. Facebook can broadcast your mistake and I have a perfect anecdote to help clarify this point.

For a brief moment, I was able to relax and realize that the world had not buckled. After I gulped down a few cups of crisp, filtered water, I was energized. I brushed my teeth, ate a pancake, realized that was a bad idea and threw up the pancake. Nevertheless, I was still enthusiastic to take on the day and not lament about past mistakes. I checked Facebook, and glanced at my mini feed: 20 people commented on my wall. “Woah,” I said under my breath. “This is fantastic. It must be my birthday!” No, that’s not right…it’s not for viagra without prescription another couple of months. Instantly, my hovering stupor dissipated; my mind sharpened and logically sifted through a torrent of possibilities. I kept drawing blanks. Last night was a vacuum, dead space in my brain. Did I say or do anything reprehensible? No, I’m not like that. But I was drunk. Alright, I left my apartment, and then…Whatever, I just had a few drinks, and a few laughs. I bet all these messages are about how cool I was and how funny my jokes were, or reaffirming how drunk I was. But then my little fantasy shattered, and the reality became abundantly limpid. 20 new photos tagged of me, read the photo icon on the mini feed. My heart murmured, palpitated. My vision focused. I clicked the new photo’s link.

The roof of my soul caved in. Is that me? It can’t be. It looks like my deformed, cross-eyed step brother, if I had one. But I don’t. What? How are my fingers and arms splayed out in that grotesque manner? Oh no, in this one, I’m gripping the shoulder of some girl who is grimacing in absolute horror. And my face! No wonder she’s repulsed. It looks like a botched botox operation. I didn’t know the skin beneath my chin could sag like play dough.

And then I saw the comments, a sea of them, under the worst photo I had seen yet. Each comment, filled with an inordinate amount of L’s and O’s and Ha’s, snickered at me. I started to feel myself wilting, trying to retreat from my skin. Goose bumps prickled down my calf as I noticed a conspicuous pattern emerging from the comments below my ugly photo: more than half the people had changed their profile picture to the exact same photo that they were commenting on. My drunken photo had

gone viral. Oh my Lord. Even if I de-tag this photo, nothing will be accomplished. Ten other people would have it as their profile picture. I clicked refresh, hoping that this was some computer malfunction. But then there was another comment, following that same heartless pattern of L’s and O’s and Ha’s. A knife twisted deep into my emotional fortitude, ripping open a spate of insecurities that I thought I defeated in middle school. What are people going to think of me? Will girls see this photo and never want to talk to me again? Didn’t some wise man say that a photo never lies, or was that Janice Dickinson?

I regretted going out. I thought I had suppressed that insidious feeling, but this singular event changed the way I defined regret. It was no longer something you could correct. Like I said earlier, Facebook makes mistakes indelible.

All my arguments might sound histrionic, over the top. You all might be thinking, It’s no big deal. And you might be right. The photos were commented on and posted by my friends. It was all in fun, a harmless practical joke. But that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t humiliating.

That dreadful story I just told has an important implication that might wake people up to the vastly different world we live in today. Privacy is a rare commodity, one that is consistently shrinking. My behavior is no longer limited to a specific time and place, among a specific group of people. That time has passed into the halls of history, abandoned for new technologies, like social networking web sites and cell phone cameras.

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5 Comments »

  • Homer said:

    Haha, that’s totally happened to me before.

  • david said:

    lol! oh my those two cholos are mighty caliente!

  • Sid said:

    Yes, the internet eliminates privacy, but you know what…sometimes crazy pictures are funny.

  • Andrew said:

    Great website! You need a Top 10 movie of 2008.

    Here are mine, Let’s see yours.

    1. Slumdog Millionaire
    2. Australia
    3. In Bruges
    4. Rachel Getting Married
    5. Hancock
    6. The Dark Knight
    7. Happy Go-Lucky
    8. Kung-Fu Panda
    9. Wall-E
    10. Milk
    11. Tropic Thunder
    12. Changeling
    13. The Visitor
    14. Let The Right One In
    15. Indiana Jones IV
    16. Gran Torino
    17. Vicky Cristina Barcelona
    18. Synecdoche, New York
    19. The Secret Life of Bees
    20. Iron Man

  • how toget ur girlfriend back who is seeing someone else | Online Health Edge said:

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