Oh, Michael Jackson.

I must thank you in more ways than three. Not only did you face the criminal justice system with guts and gusto, you changed the face of pop music, changed the face of dancing, and you changed the face of your own face–forever.

But now you must face another dilemma. No, the nose isn’t falling off again.

What is falling away from you is your ranch. Yes, Neverland Ranch, the magical place where little boys have nightmares, and where ancient Catholic priests can only fantasize about.

You owe the government $25 million very soon, or your seductive productive house will be taken away as quickly as a young boy’s manlihood from watching your “You Are Not Alone” music video.

If you don’t pay in full, your ranch will be sold at a public auction for your fans and admirers to steal.

I know that the income isn’t flowing in easily. But now that it’s the 25th anniversary of “Thriller,” the dough should slowly pour in. Also, since you’re performing at London’s O2 in a few weeks, you’re bound to make some chump change there. Just save what you make, ask for your settlement money back from those boys who lied about you touching them, or sell your preserved old nose on ebay. If all else fails, call sis Janet. Her new album seems to be poppin’.

DISCLAIMER:

THE POP FIX in no way is asking Mr. Michael Jackson to follow any of the methods above or below. T

hey are suggestions that yes, will save Mr. Jackson's life and do serve a purpose to the intended subject,

but in no way have been tested. But we do believe the suggestion below is full-proof.

We all know that obviously you haven’t looked in the mirror for 15 years…

But Mr. Jackson, if all else fails, just face yourself and your reflection.

It’s the ultimate Thriller that can either open your already ostrich-like eyes, or kill you instantly.

But it’s a chance you have to take…like gastric bi-pass.

Good luck sir,

THE POP FIX

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