Their names are Heidi and Spencer. You knew them from The Hills. You now know them from their attention whore-riffic displays of craziness love that land them on the front page of the tabloids.

Can these people just go away? You have to stop and ask yourself if they really even like each other, because all of this drama looks as fake as Heidi’s boob job.

First they’re fighting with LC, then they’re engaged, then they’re not engaged, then they’re making out in front of the paparazzi (so we don’t forget how in love they are), then they’re on the beach filming really bad music videos. How do they have the energy?

The only explanation I could possibly conjure up is that they are super-human, fame-seeking robots, capable of withstanding ridiculous amounts of pain. That is the only reason why they can be around each other.

I can’t wait for them to produce offspring…if there’s one thing the world needs more of, it’s crazy robots. In fact, I could use one right now to clean my room, so I officially endorse Heidi and Spencer procreation. So, get ready, set, CONCEIVE!